Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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