He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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