so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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