I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
