He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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