i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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