I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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