You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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