Quick, to the slutcave!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
