At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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