she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize