If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
