'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
