I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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