haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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