My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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