Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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