no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
