Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
