I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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