whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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