we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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