I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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