Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
FUCK WHALES
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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