Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
