he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
