Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
