The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
