I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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