is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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