Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
