is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
