he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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