Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
