The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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