Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
