I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if only i could text you this smell
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
