Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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