fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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