I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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