The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
