Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
