What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
