you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
