so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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