You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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