I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
