I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
