One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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