Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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