I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
