rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
