she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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