I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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