Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
