I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
