the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
