Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
