he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
