My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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