After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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