its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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