Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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