I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
