sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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