almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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