My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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