Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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