Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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