you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
