My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
