sarcasm needs its own font
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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