the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
